It all started with idle chatter, as most disasters do.
“You keep using our conversations as post fodder,” I said. “That’s cool. Really. I appreciate that you have so much regard for my particular brand of…”
“‘Regard’ might be a bit much,” Von said, using his preternatural power to interrupt sentences over Facebook chat, and from a full ocean away no less. That magical bastard. “It’s more like…well, you’re familiar with that phrase, the one about throwing things at the wall to see what sticks? You’re like that. Like a wall. You’re just filled with wall-like qualities.”
“Whatever,” I said. “Don’t pretend. I’m the source of your best material! Heck, you don’t even use half of it. God. The Ward stuff alone.”
“Impolitic, I’m afraid. You’ll remember I was trying to get a position in Nottingham at the time.”
“Yeah, and look what that got you – a curt letter explaining that they, in no uncertain terms, think you’re less qualified than a guy who wrote 40K’s very own Eye of Argon, causing a universe of screaming space monks and green apes to seem dumber. This is the reward for your silence.”
“You need to stop that. All that accuracy. It’s revolting.”
“See? I’m like your Tyrone, but swap out racial tension for obnoxious nationalism.”
“I can see your point. Our mutual ramblings do show up in posts with a regularity that I find difficult to pin on pure random chance.”
“Heck, you should just set aside a day a week. Have ‘The Von and Lex Show.’”
“…you know, that’s not a half-bad idea.”
“Yeah, sure, why not? Or, honestly, you could just write a column once a week on the site. How’s that sound?”
“Sure, I guess, why not. Could be fun, you kn – hey! Hey! You did this on purpose!”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Right. You British. So clever and sly. Gave me just enough rope to hang m’self.”
“I’m a busy man, Lex. Busy men, you see, have a way of getting lesser peons to do their grunt work. Please make a note of how ‘lesser’ and ‘peon’ are emphasized in that description.”
“…I feel violated here, man.”
“Yes, well, the loyal slave learns to love the lash. Among other things. Now get writing.”
So, um, hi everybody. I’m Lexington. Like our resident bearded intellectual, I’m a big fan of gaming as an interesting, complex creative outlet, and spend a fair amount of time dissecting the appeals, intricacies and annoyances of all this hobby junk. Often, this is done in a public manner, right out in front of God and everyone, so you may well associate my avatar and handle with some offensive, forum-based idiocy. If so, well, I’m deeply sorry for such transgressions. You’re still wrong, tho.
The plan here is that I’ll be bringing much of the usual long-winded affairs that these here parts are known for, plus a wing of modelling and painting articles, those being my chief domain of expertise in the hobby. Sometimes, Von and I will do running back-and-forths over whatever subject has settled in our diseased mindspaces. Occasionally, a comic might happen. It’s a brave new frontier. My first big project’s still under wraps for the time being, but it will most certainly have something to do with this guy:
‘Till next time, kiddies.
PS: See that new masthead? Seem familiar? Well, it would if you were me, as I uttered said quotable today in casual conversation with our illustrious host. See what I mean about providing the best material? He should pay me, the git.